Thursday, October 29, 2009

do this to remember

how often do I think of the people I've lost... daily, and then some. How my life would have been fuller if they were still here, but how under the circumstances I know it is better.

Time has a way of helping you remember. I still cry and still get caught up when certain things happen, but I find myself remembering more as the years go by... not forgetting. I like that. I like that I can hold on to those things and look on them fondly.

October is sad... sad for me anyway. It marks the time when I lost my Papal J. and when I lost my dear friend Steven. It marks changes in my life and in my growth. It marks change in general and all the things I have lost. When you look at your life as what you've missed out on by not having someone there... it's easy to get depressed. I guess you have to just know that life goes on and the best way to honor someones memory is to LIVE, to make memories and tell stories, to be the best legacy you can for your children and grandchildren so that when it is your time to go, they will know that the best thing they can to is to LIVE. I was blessed with so much goodness, and so many good friends... I should rejoice that I had them for a little while and miss them sweetly, and mourn them in silent moments alone.

I sincerely struggle with days like today, when the loss seems heavier than usual. When everything is taken to a single day, this day... the day when I lost my Papal, Mom lost her Daddy and Nana lost her husband. When we all held our breath and said goodbye. I hate this. I hate that it hurts so bad and that I can't keep anyone else from hurting either. I can't make sense of my grief -- it's emotion not logic and it's heartbreaking. On one hand, Papal was suffering with every part of his being... and now, he is at peace and safe and I'll see him again someday and on the other, knowing all that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Hedge Apple Season is Back!

Hedge Apple Season is Back!

If you know me, you know I adore hedge apples... the smell, the shape, the texture... and this time of year you can find them all over ohio.

Yesterday at Heuston Woods, I told the kids we were hunting for hedge apples and especially Lydia, got VERY into it. So much so, we'd be driving a long and she'd yell HEDGE! and I would stop the car, run out and grab it, and we would continue on. Luckily the park was very empty... but we hit the mother-load at the quarry picnic area, Lydia wanted to take them all... but I convinced her one busshel basket was enough.

The whole car smelled like Granny Smith apples... this is what Fall is supposed to smell like.

Anyway, for those of you that don't know, Hedge apples take about forever to rot, and really kind of just get hard as longas they aren't cut up or smashed. They smell nice and ward off wood spiders from your home (which is why my Nana J used to keep them in closets... and my Granny K kepts them in various spots as well). They look a little like brains and are bright green... You CANNOT eat them... CANNOT... but they make nice fall decorations.

Anyway, Mom in Law informed me that they are loaded so I am looking to fill one more bushell basket ;)

Sunday, October 25, 2009

2 blogs in one day is some day...

Well... this may seem like no biggie to you, but I got a group photo of the kids today that I really love. It shows them off, just as they really are and makes me smile. I think I'm going to print it and hang it actually. I took it on our perfect walk today...

Yeah, go ahead and be jealous that these gorgeous little angles are all mine ;)
And here is our collage we made today too. Both of these files were too large to upload, so rather than resize I thought I would jsut blog them ;)

It's Times like these...

Berries in the Sun {dedicated to Shana Rae whose photos and colors always inspire me to think outside the box}
In this life there are days when you say "WHATEVER, today is my day to make glorious memories and no one can take it from me..." you grab hold of all the power you really do posses, you laugh, you cry and you just breath. You take charge of your mood and embrace everything good you have... I should do it everyday... but I DID do it today.
It was like the day wouldn't let me ignore it or something. I went outside to take out the trash in a coat, large scarf, socks (which let me tell you never happens) and 2 shirts... imagine my surprise when 73 degree temperatures and a jolly beaming sun great me at the door. Needless to say I stripped out of my layers, ran the trash out and grabbed the kids and said "Let's get outta here".
We went for a walk, got some candy at the laundrymat... looked at the leaves, shared a rootbeer, talked and laughed. What an awesome day! I needed it.
I hope everyone else's day was full of perfection like mine ;)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

a life to sing about

In the Pink {a life update post} by you.

(I took this photo at the end of spring I think... I can't even remember... but in light of the 70 degree weather that I didn't get to be outside in, I edited it today and posted)
Well, I have been nothing if not missing from my beloved flickr, and not just flickr, but from the company of my camera as well as facebook and Myspace. Life has gotten in the way of me taking any real photos, posting any real blogs or managing any silly apps. I guess that's both good and bad since, truth be told, our little family has been on a wild ride of change lately.

About 2 weeks ago John chopped his finger to the bone with a hatchet while attempting to make some halloween decorations out of old horse farming equipment and the hospital closest to us just basically didn't treat him so we dressed it and a week later while working on his 1991 Ford POS Ranger he caught the cut and mangled it in the gears or a part or something. What a mess... we took him to a different hospital where they stitched it and told us he needed surgery. Well, today he had that surgery. We were in the hospital from 9:15 till about 2:30 I think, then the idiots at Walmart Pharmacy wrote our prescription wrong and we didn't end up settled in our own house till nearly 6PM. On the upside our unemployment check came in and I had a nice all-day visit with my Mom-in-law. She was great company, and I am glad she was around to help me pass the time. I feel like John is pretty lucky to have us awesome ladies in his life ;).

Another good thing, that deserves being testified to is that John GOT A JOB!! He starts Friday. It's been a long year, the unemployment was rough on us and caused a lot of finacial hardship. We lost so much, and could've lost it all in such a short time but God provided us with the relief we needed! And I will say that John being unemployed opened a world of blessings for our family as well, He got SOBER which was HUGE. It was no small fight he faced, but with God's help he was delivered. Also... It gave us all time to really get to know eachother, and do things like going to the beach several times this summer, teaching Rooster to not be afraid of the water, bug hunt, shop together, help eachother, just get closer. It's been a wonderful gift.

Hopefully things are about to get even better for us and a schedule can be formed, if only loosely. It's nice, the thought of carving out a date night that we can actually afford, and having money for Christmas just in time. I look forward to making time to actually take the kids to some locations I scouted out before Fall is over and getting some photos. I want to visit my Mom more often and get Rooster Potty Trained once and for all... and get our house clean and organized.
Wish us Luck and Keep us in your prayer... you will all be in mine.

Monday, October 12, 2009

milestone edit

This photo has put to work 2 of my newest attempts.
1} I asked in a thread in Helping Hands Group if I could somehow save certain steps for PP in PSE 7 so that I could use it on a set of photos and keep the tones looking the same without all the cut and paste of the way I was doing it. They were very helpful, especially ad-wig, who took the time to explain it to me... visit his glorious photostream here :: I got some great help and created a vintage linen "action" that I could layer over a photo and then erase away just the linen texture. I know it isn't perfect but I am SUPER excited... and i like these tones so I think it will come in handy.
2}I finally found the lined texture I have been hoping for :: , everytime I sit down to do a search on flickr I end up finding none of what I want or getting sidetracked by photos using the textures I am searching for, it's a vicious cycle, but last night I found the texture and I was very eager to use it.
O, the little things, right.
Anyway... I took this photo this spring, but never did edit it, so, I'm pretty happy with this, and it is a milestone edit for me.