Sunday, December 20, 2009

{a good cry}

it's 2:06am, I need to wash my face clean since I have a terrible case of raccoon eyes. You see, I read this story about a little girl who would have been 6 in August... and how her Mommy and Daddy "lost"her. That's what they say, they "lost" her because "she died" is un-processable. And while my instinct was to stop reading and to block out the sadness I was feeling, I read it all and cried. I think I was crying Half for their family, and in part for my own losses and for not being more thankful everyday.

I feel like I need to just breath.

Let go.


I just don't want to regret. I don't want to look back and wish I hadn't wasted all my time. Lydia goes to Kindy next Fall and it's breaking my heart. When did my baby get so big, when did I become a Mommy, when did I grow up and become a woman, when did I start high school, when did I start Kindy and where has time gone...

I'd like to have more time, but since I can't have that, I have to cherish every moment. I have to stop yelling and starting whispering. I have to close my eyes and say I love you... MORE than I say it now. I have to act goofy and sing more songs. I have to laugh louder and stay up later... I have to live so that when my time is up, as sad as I will be I can rest knowing I cherished it all.