All right, today was a bummer.
I know, I know. In the global scheme of bad days, I'm not on the list, I'm not even near the list... not on the backup list ... I'm a blessed person, and I know that. I have the best 3 kids a momma could hope for, they're healthy... I'm healthy, we have running water and clothes, we have food to eat and a car to drive. I have family that loves me, and I'm only about 10 minutes away from any of them :) Life is good, people would kill for my life... but in the moment, on the "Camden Ohio" scale, I'm having a bad day.
It's not that I broke down and sobbed, or that everyone was mean to me... that the kids wouldn't listen and I have no money. We never have any money ;) and I don't generally sob, but it was the kind of day where all that stuff you have been dealing with, hits you. All the things that have been said to you, true or untrue, all the things that broke you down... for some reason you can't shake them. It's that kind of day when you just hurt. You think, "what if i really am that girl. what if i am totally unlikeable, annoying and stupid" I feel 15 again, and unsure... insecure... scared. I feel on the brink of crying. I feel like a little girl inside a body and life that are so much bigger than me, or my abilities. I feel like a massive failure. I feel like I need some help.
Most of the day went like this. i couldn't shake it. and then, cleaning up the living room I heard, on tv, that thing i NEEDED to here... the help i had needed all day ::
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
There ya go...
pick yourself up... dust yourself off... it really is all right.
IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS
IT ALWAYS HOPES, ALWAYS PERSEVERES
my problem with the day wasn't what had been said or done to me... it was, that I hadn't let go... that i hadn't persevered and kept hope... I was holding onto things done to me that I couldn't do anything about. i was letting hurt ruin my day... love is patient, love is kind...
I smiled. tomorrow will be better.