Thursday, February 4, 2010

just wanted to talk...

If you follow my flickr account, you know I uploaded a ton of photos tonight. I couldn't help it, the kids all 3 let me take some photos and we were getting some great light from the window today :)

It's been a surreal few weeks. Sometimes it's hard to tell if I am coming or going, or where I'm going. I looked at Lydia today, all grown up, and Rooster getting there... Layla, she's almost as tall as Rooster. They fight, sure, but they're close and the do look out for eachother. I love that.
I spent last month making sure to be thankful everyday, and letting the world know with the photos I took. I've been busy but I've still been thankful daily, and made sure to let God know that I KNOW how blessed I am.

I'm enjoying all my little photography challenges, and really striving to accomplish my everyday life goals. I am trying to breath more, and just relax. I'm trying to not over-think, and to really keep no record of wrongs.

I've been missing a lot though, missing things that used to be in my life.
I miss spending more time with my sister, and now that she is 18 I'm afraid the time is passing, at least for now. I miss having card games till the wee hours of the morning. I miss picking Mom up and getting nothing but talking accomplished. I miss my cousin Amber, and all the time we used to have together. I wish our lives intertwined more, but, it's not always that simple. I miss having the time and gas money to see Nana as often as I'd like, and I miss just having time.

I don't want to sound bummed, I am far from it, I just get caught up in things I can't change, and I just need to talk it out.

I have such sweet babies, I am so glad they are around to get me through days like this. :)

I miss my husband. He works nights, 6 days a week, and his job is an hour away... he sleeps, we live our lives, he wakes up as we are winding down and within a few hours he's gone. After a year of unemployment I am eternally grateful for this awesome job that he has, but I wish we had a few more minutes to just hug eachother and say one more I love you. We have been watching "Dexter" together. It's nice to spend a few relaxing minutes together, trying to find out what's going to happen at the end of the season (we just started season one last week and are rounding out the third now). Grown Up talk is nice, I need it :)

Anyway, the Groundhog said we have 6 more weeks of winter, and tonight they are saying we have a ton of snow coming our way. Say a little prayer, John's Grandpa is on his way home from Florida. And say a little prayer for the rest of the family. They've lost someone, and without all the details, I will just say it was much too - much too soon :( . There is a lot of sadness over the area tonight, and a lot of people need prayers.

Sorry I went on and on, I just sometimes need to get it out, ya know. I hope you all have a cozy night, and thanks for listening.



Beth Simmons on February 4, 2010 at 8:19 PM said...

Johnna, I know you are an internet friend that I have never met in real life, but you hold a special place in my heart for some reason. I'm not sure why except that God has put you there I think. And because you are so wonderful!!! It may be because I can see my younger self in you so much. Your current life is so much like mine was when raising my children. I'm not going to give you a bunch of unasked for advice. Just know that I pray for you and admire you sweet spirit and love for your family. And I'm sorry for the loss and hurt in your family right now. I don't even know if what I wrote makes sense:)

Beverly on February 5, 2010 at 10:00 AM said...

love, love these photos. all your photos are just so beautiful and magical.

Maegan Beishline on February 5, 2010 at 12:39 PM said...

Johnna, I completely understand feeling both overwhelmingly blessed yet still longing for more: more time, more moments, more stillness. When you love life so much, you can't help but yearn to squeeze every last drop from it! I will keep your family in my prayers!

Amber Rosie on February 5, 2010 at 5:05 PM said...

I miss you so much too, so deeply lately. I feel that even though we don't have all those endless nights and Spice Girl songs, that somehow our photography is keeping us close. It is a good connection. I love it when you just want to talk. It is crazy that Rianna and Hunter are both

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