Thursday, March 25, 2010
6:23 AM Posted by Johnna Riddell
Part Two : The Mothers of a New Mother
At the beginning of each part in this series you will see this little note. I want to remind you that I am not trying to come from a negative space, or a judgmental - holier than thou - kind of place. I’m coming from the place of a mother who knows she has a lot to learn, that she knows she has a long way to go… and that she loves being a mother. I hope that you don’t take anything I say as anything more than my own experience and a heartfelt message. I pass no judgment, and appreciate all mothers and the styles they embrace. I hope to learn something on this journey and hear your stories as well.
They are two major influences on a girl when she becomes a mother. Her own Mother and her Husband’s Mother.
As a young mother I felt very much the push and pull of family visits and inclusion of my mom and mother in law in the new baby bliss. I am not and never have been one to want someone to come in and take over… and I wasn’t sure how to allow them both in, to find the balance. Neither of them tried to step on my toes, neither of them tried to correct me, but sometimes all it takes is having them watch you to make you insecure. I didn’t want to share Lydia with anyone … and it seemed like that was all I was doing.
I remember being angry at times, getting defensive of the things that were said. I know I got hurt easily and most of it was completely un merited. When I think back to that time I think of how hard it was for me to ask for help - or say NO for that matter. I let my insecurity rob me of some of the moments I could have had.
I wish I would have been more secure in the Mother I was becoming.
I know, it’s easy to get angry. I think about it now and realize that neither was ever trying to step in… they were both excited and wanted to cherish that fleeting time as well. Their opinions were advice, things that they had learned, things they wanted to spare me the time learning. They wanted to help, they wanted to share and bond. They wanted to express how much love and joy there was in them and they had as hard of a time sharing as I did. It’s so quick. Before you know it, the first year is gone. It’s important to get so much in.
It was easier with the other 2 babies. I had a better grasp of things. We all did.
I was able to take advice better. They were able to let me spread my wings more. And we flowed together better. I could take the time to step back and appreciate the differences in them. That they both had so much to offer me, and that I needed both their influence to live up to my own potential. These two women, these two MOTHERS would be my biggest advocates and biggest support if I just embraced them as they were. And loved them as much as I should.
It’s beautiful, getting to that point. And I am so glad that I have them both.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, and hear your advice and insight… Us mothers need to come together and embrace our similarities and our differences so that we can be united and more supportive. I’ll encourage you to share here, in the comments or blog about it and share the link. Thanks for taking the time to read. It means so much