Friday, April 30, 2010

Realities and Blessings : Week Seven

Realities and Blessings
(are you totally sick of seeing my face)
Hello Again ... Welcome Back... or just Welcome ( for those of you visiting for the first time) -- this is another week of Realities and Blessings...

Thanks to the Amazing Maegan of A Life Set to Words , who shared this inspiring idea and encouraged us to play along ... I am one of many women finding more blessings and more hope each day... thank you Maegan. xo

Before posting my blog earlier today about learning to love yourself , I was pretty nervous. To know all the yucky things about yourself is one thing, but to put them out there... written down, well, it's a lot different...

I have such lovely people in my life. The response to it was one of the largest I have ever had, and you all made my fears dissapear. Thank You... you'll never know what a blessing it was...

Camden Days is going on in town today, and that means all kinds of yard sales and wonderful vintage finds waiting to be discovered... and for a whole bevey of reasons, I couldn't go. I have to say I was bummed, even feeling sorry for myself.

Instead of wallowing, I took my sis-in-law to work, the decided to take the kiddos for ice cream at the local dairy bar - "The Depot". We even parked and sat outside to enjoy the warm sunshine. It was delightful, and they were so happy! Well worth missing Camden Days -- plus, I didn't add to the ever growing pile of stuff to sort either...

Earlier this week, out of the blue, we got the news that John's Dad had had a cat-scan done and there were 2 large masses in his lungs. He has smoked since he was 16 in a very heavy way and on top of that, worked closely with asbestos breathing a lot in... so, you know what we all feared.

After what seemed like forever waiting, and a lot of "I love you's" said, we got the news... NO CANCER! A miracle by any standards. The masses had been bits of corn, aspirated into his lungs. Not only good news, but something to kind of make you smile. You can imagine the jokes, "Dad, you don't need to literally inhale your food" and "Dad, you're CORN-tagious" ... awful, but what a blessing.

another week full of highs and lows, but life is good...
Hope you have a SUPER week!!

Learning to Love Yourself

I am an ugly person... inside and out...
My hair is straight and has almost no volume, my toes are not cute, I have large hands.
I am not the 120lbs I should be or the 130 I want to be.
I don't have perfectly white teeth and I have a short stubby torso.

I have not liked someone based solely on the fact that they were prettier and thinner than me.
I have wished for someone to fail so that I would look more successful
I have done things out of spite
I have done the wrong thing to impress someone

I am a lovely person... inside and out...
I have dark hair and fair skin
I have full lips and long legs
I have naturally long lashes and normal nose.

I have done good things and not taken the credit
I have given people things when I needed to keep them
I have given second, third and fourth chances
I have been sincere every time I said "I Love You"

I will never be perfect, but I am not supposed to be... what matters is knowing I am worth the effort... and I am worth being loved.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Realities and Blessings : Week Six

Hello Again ... Welcome Back... or just Welcome ( for those of you visiting for the first time) -- this is another week of Realities and Blessings...

Thanks to the Amazing Maegan of A Life Set to Words , who shared this inspiring idea and encouraged us to play along ... I am one of many women finding more blessings and more hope each day... thank you Maegan. xo

:: Reality ::

It's scheduled to rain for the next 5 days... blah.

:: Blessing ::
That we got to get outside to day, if only for a bit and enjoy the semi-nice weather before it changed. The deer were so friendly, and Layla worked up the courage to get close enough to throw in a leaf for them to eat :)
Besides, the Earth could use a good long drink of water :)

:: Reality ::
 I learn in such a strange way... or "grasp" in such a strange way, I guess. I read and try and watch and strive to learn photography... but it takes forever for it to sink in and become clear.

:: Blessing ::
I am having a "clear" week. And having it all come to me at once makes for an exciting time! It's not that I have it all figured but things are making more sense, the settings on my camera making more sense and all that... it's so exciting. I think my photos are getting a lot better SOOC and I am understanding clean edits much better.

:: Reality ::
 I am struggling to keep a smile on my face. I'm having to put the effort into enjoying all the parts of my day.

:: Blessing ::
Everyday I wake up saying "God, get me through this... I won't make it without your help." And even though it isn't easy, He is answering my prayers and sending me blessings everyday.

Have a Great Week, FULL of Blessings!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

This Earth

Humankind has not woven the web of life.  We are but one thread within it.  Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves.  All things are bound together.  All things connect.  ~Chief Seattle, 1855

Today, is earth day. Everyday is earth day. And what a brilliant home it is. I think so often about the fact the we are all so connected by the earth itself. That the air I breathe has potentially traveled the world, that the rain on my front steps has fallen in all corners of the earth, it has been reused in a most perfect cycle for centuries, never choosing who should enjoy it over anyone else. That the sky I am looking at is your sky... it's the sky Jesus walked beneath, it's the sky that belongs to all of us. That the trees have lived before me, and they will live on after I am gone, and into forever. It's unbelievable how this Earth works, how generous it is and how much beauty there is to behold.

We spent some time at my Mom's today. in the yard. I admired her many trees and plants, I watched the kids swing and enjoyed the gentle breeze. It was calm. It was perfect. When I think about all the lacking parts of the world. All the filth and sadness in the world, it's scary to know that I am sending my children into it. It's hurtful to think that it's really that bad and there is nothing I can do but love them through it.  But when I stop...
Take a moment...
And open my eyes...

I see the world is more full of reasons to smile than to cry, more reasons to rejoice than curse. More love than hate and more hope than I can hold in my arms. 

I thank God for this world he created out of nothing. I thank God for dandelions, grass, mockingbirds, bees and even slugs. I thank god for clouds and rain and sunshine. I thank Him for gentle breezes and cool water. I thank him for blessing us all with a world we don't deserve and for reminding me that our "home" our Earth... is perfectly made. 

Happy Earth Day 

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Let me see things forever, as clearly as I see it now

Taking a moment to stop and watch the chaos around me… all in slow motion, all like a dance, whose steps have not been written. Everything hushes, the air, the room, my thoughts. I smile and catch the glimpse of childhood, and what it means to be free… and I am no longer angry… and I can rejoice in the dance.

Something about Springtime, and that each day, the world is new. That plants grow in a night 1, 2, 3 inches. That colors erupt along the un mowed grass, in violets, blue bells and dandelions. That the world is ready to cushion our bare toes and we tread along her pathways. Yes. Something in Springtime, reminds me, that life is each day and I need not over think it. All I have to do is take what comes, and greet it with eager reassurance… and if we fail, we have tomorrow.

Lord, Please… So humbly I ask you… Let me see things forever, as clearly as I see it now.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

...two sides to every story...

I wonder, so many times, how I can keep these three safe.
And not just safe from the physical dangers there are in this world...
but the emotional ones.

without going into all the messy details, my husbands brother spent the last year and a half going through a divorce and then re-marrying. It was a strange thing to watch. It was a strange thing to talk about.  I remember hoping Lydia - who was the only one old enough to notice what was happening - wouldn't ask any questions. I knew my answers were important and HAD to be right. And really, I didn't know what was that "right" thing to say.
But, Like all babies, she did ask

Why didn't they love each other
Could her daddy stop loving me or could I stop loving her daddy
did they love her still
were we still a family
were we still friends
could she love the new people coming in
was she allowed to love everyone

Lydia is fine now, she is happy and I think she has put things in their proper place
But seeing how hard she took this, and how confused she was and how she almost felt lost in how and what she "could" feel... I want to approach everything so much more gently.

How do you do what's right in all cases and avoid hurting people.
Ignoring the past doesn't make it go away, but talking about it too much leaves the wounds open and aggravated.
Finding that Happy medium where we can let people go, we can see them as they really are and love them in the simplest way, leaves us in a much better place.

I told her that talking about her Aunt was fine... she needs to know she can come to me for things she doesn't understand. But I also told her that she couldn't talk to just anyone, since it might hurt their feelings and we don't ever want to hurt anyone's feelings.
She doesn't need to know the messy details. And maybe that's how we should live... putting those "messy details" in their place and moving on. Loving and caring for the people in our lives. Being gentle and staying out of it.

Both  have moved on... and They are both happier. Sometimes God has plans for us and we don't see it till we're knee deep in something else entirely. I am so thankful that they have both found partners to go through life with and that they are finding their way. I am glad that Amanda was brought into our lives and that the transition has been peaceful, for at least, my children.

And I am so glad that John and I, for all our tough times, are solid. And that I don't have to worry about Lydia, Rooster and Layla being lost in some separation.

Lydia's Tea Time

... more of a trial run for some shots I want to take in the woods...

... but, being of my darling Lydia, I kind of like them anyway ...

O, how I adore tea party season.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

time for tea

... so, I sort of have this obsession with tea parties, and this is my version of it... I have been wanting to do this for a while and it all fell into place today :) I love that. I could seriously use EVERY shot I took... which was a lot more than is in this post... what a blessing.

... just a bit of info, the dress is real vintage, I love it, and both my girls got to play in it. The Tea Cup is vintage too :) Adorable. A gift from the hubs ... and the thing she is always sitting on is actually a dresser that sat in my great grandma's house for, forever...

Friday, April 16, 2010

Realities and Blessing : Week Five

Hello Again ... Welcome Back... or just Welcome ( for those of you visiting for the first time) -- this is another week of Realities and Blessings...

Thanks to the Amazing Maegan of A Life Set to Words , who shared this inspiring idea and encouraged us to play along ... I am one of many women finding more blessings and more hope each day... thank you Maegan. xo

:: Reality ::
I woke up this morning with a mental list of chores to be done, tasks to be completed and it was quickly diffused by things out of my control. I was slightly irritated first... thinking, I'll admit, there goes the day...

:: Blessing ::
the most amazing thing happened... between the rainfall today the kids and I explored and enjoyed each other... we visited creeks and a lake, we visited a daffodil hill and a pirate ship... we played on swings and shared all kinds of not-so-good-for-us goodies. We were all happy and while they were loud and frees-spirited the entire trip, they did listen and they did mind and no one had to yell that was not doing so in pure joy!
Imagine, if I had stayed home and completed my list... what a gift I would have missed out on.

:: Reality ::
I miss my mommy... it's been what seems like forever since I saw her, and I am dying to just plop down in her cozy robe I always steal... with a cup of coffee full of hazelnut flavoring, and talk the afternoon away, about nothing and everything. I'm sad that I am busy and that she isn't feeling well...

:: Blessing ::
How Blessed am I that my Mom and I have such a wonderful relationship! How blessed am I that when a week goes by I am having with-drawls. Or that I live close enough to her that a week feels like forever... by the way, it hasn't even been a week. Truthfully, I am just blessed to have her :)

:: Reality ::
My once, tremendous little bed-time goer, has decided that she no longer needs to do so... all week I have been trying different things to get her to rest better... 

:: Blessing ::
then, last night, i just picked her up, snuggled her into a blanket, and rocked her. Layla doesn't usually like that, but now... she is all about it :) I have so missed this. O you don't even know... I just sat there holding her, looking at her eyes get heavier, watching her snuggle in closer, seeing the smile she was wearing turn into that relaxed "I'm asleep now" face. It's pure bliss.
Ya know... She will be my last. For so many reasons. And while my world feels whole in the 3 of them, I was aching for the days of snuggles, lullabies and nighttime giggles. I guess God knew how my heart was breaking...