Thursday, April 8, 2010

In The Time Before This...




The Time Before This

The things that shape us most… mold us into the person we eventually become… are undoubtedly the saddest most melancholy moments. The ones where we cry the hardest, where we hurt in the deepest way. Those sincere moments that are so unseen.

No one on the whole of this earth has not felt the emptiness. No one has lived, who has not ached. Who has not felt the sting of being left alone. Be it in person or in spirit.

Sometimes, in my lost moments, right before I cry, right before I exhale… those moments come back to me. I am taken, in that blink of time, to another place, that place, and I realize that all the while -- in and out of all the things I do and don’t do -- I am still there, in that place, crying, but not making a sound. It’s not really the person… it’s not really the place… it’s those spaces between the syllables of the words “I’m Okay”… the space where I am crumbling… were I am fading, and loosing myself. Holding my breath.





|| and now - a lyric ||

In the time before this, as a little girl so free
On the banks of a muddy creek I swore was the sea…
How I long for those ache less summers, and for the misty light memories…

But you cannot ever get the second chance to grip --
What you have let slip through your trembling fingertips…

In the time before this, before I knew how to breathe,
Inside those springtime’s, Where I let you see me …
With that soft melody playing in my head, And the visions of what if’s and what could never be…

But you cannot ever get the second chance to grip --
What you have let slip through your trembling fingertips…

In the time before this, Before I woke up today
In the times before this, Before I lost my way





Today…

I love a man so much more than he can comprehend
I want, so much, to be their best friend and for them to be my babies for all eternity
I miss someone with all I am
I remember all the reasons I was never good enough, for you… you… and you.
I desperately need to let go of the past
I am lost in the hurt I caused others, for stupid reasons, the logic of a teenage girl
I am sick, at all the times I have lost my temper
I desire wisdom and the strength to earn it
I am sure I will fail, but I am going to push forward anyway
I am so sad
I am so thankful

Today … I am one, overwhelming, aching, rejoicing mess…






3 comments:

Amber Rosie on April 8, 2010 at 9:31 AM said...

You put this so beautifully. It is really true. WE have all been there.

kimi kreations on April 8, 2010 at 5:54 PM said...

Love this image. Perfect color!
~kimi~

kimi kreations on April 8, 2010 at 5:55 PM said...

Love this image. Perfect color!
~kimi~

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