Tuesday, April 20, 2010

...two sides to every story...

I wonder, so many times, how I can keep these three safe.
And not just safe from the physical dangers there are in this world...
but the emotional ones.

without going into all the messy details, my husbands brother spent the last year and a half going through a divorce and then re-marrying. It was a strange thing to watch. It was a strange thing to talk about.  I remember hoping Lydia - who was the only one old enough to notice what was happening - wouldn't ask any questions. I knew my answers were important and HAD to be right. And really, I didn't know what was that "right" thing to say.
But, Like all babies, she did ask

Why didn't they love each other
Could her daddy stop loving me or could I stop loving her daddy
did they love her still
were we still a family
were we still friends
could she love the new people coming in
was she allowed to love everyone

Lydia is fine now, she is happy and I think she has put things in their proper place
But seeing how hard she took this, and how confused she was and how she almost felt lost in how and what she "could" feel... I want to approach everything so much more gently.

How do you do what's right in all cases and avoid hurting people.
Ignoring the past doesn't make it go away, but talking about it too much leaves the wounds open and aggravated.
Finding that Happy medium where we can let people go, we can see them as they really are and love them in the simplest way, leaves us in a much better place.

I told her that talking about her Aunt was fine... she needs to know she can come to me for things she doesn't understand. But I also told her that she couldn't talk to just anyone, since it might hurt their feelings and we don't ever want to hurt anyone's feelings.
She doesn't need to know the messy details. And maybe that's how we should live... putting those "messy details" in their place and moving on. Loving and caring for the people in our lives. Being gentle and staying out of it.

Both  have moved on... and They are both happier. Sometimes God has plans for us and we don't see it till we're knee deep in something else entirely. I am so thankful that they have both found partners to go through life with and that they are finding their way. I am glad that Amanda was brought into our lives and that the transition has been peaceful, for at least, my children.

And I am so glad that John and I, for all our tough times, are solid. And that I don't have to worry about Lydia, Rooster and Layla being lost in some separation.


Beverly on April 20, 2010 at 8:29 PM said...

these photos are so beautiful. yes, life can some times be rough. it is nice to have a good solid marriage.

Maegan Beishline on April 21, 2010 at 5:31 AM said...

Gorgeous photos here, Johnna! And I totally understand where you are coming from here. Brent and I both come from broken homes and it does involve some tricky conversations from time to time. But kids can feel when their parents love each other and when their family is solid. And at the end of the day, their could be tornados around them and they could still feel safe! xoxo

Teresa on April 21, 2010 at 2:18 PM said...

That photo with the yellow the yellow flowers in the mug is sooo beautiful! I wanted to fave it. :) I am starting to have to think much harder about how to explain these things too, I'm realizing what I say is taken in deeply and remembered for a long time by my son. It's a difficult thing to figure out. Sounds like you are doing a great job making Lydia feel loved and safe, that is what counts. :)

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