Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Way I Wish I Was :: a mother's day confession

I have been pondering this Mother’s Day Blog-Post for a while…

I’m going to be busy till Monday … so… I am posting early ;)

I could write about my “Mothers” but I already wrote about my my mom and I plan on writing about my mom-in-law on her birthday in July.

I could write about what Motherhood means to me, but I just finished my modern mothering series…

I could write so many things… but I decided I would take a different approach and be really honest about some stuff I am guilty of. The way I wish I was, and the out-of-this-world expectations I try and fail to live up to.

:: Confessions of a Tired Momma ::

I have been guilty of…
Ignoring the fact that my children are writing on the walls with sidewalk chalk just so I don’t have to listen to a 30 minute tantrum
Shaving my legs only below the knee … you know what I’m talking about ;)
Improvising a Bedtime story so that it’s shorter and I can get to bed sooner
Pretending it’s bedtime 30 minutes before it really is
Letting the kids have PB&J and Chips for dinner when I am too tired to cook
And buying them icecream just so they will hug me and tell me how much they love me…

Not my finer moments…

But… I forgive myself for that… and I highly doubt than any of the above listed will scar them for life ;)

:: Un-Fathomable Expectations ::
Do you do this?
In my mind is this woman, the woman I imagine lived when my great-grandparents were raising kids. She canned vegetables, raised a TON of children, she stayed home and worked hard. She didn’t have the internet and online communities to escape to. She took care of her kids, alone and lonely while her husband headed off to fight a world war an ocean away.
She fed her children warm meals at breakfast and dinner that were homemade and never came from a box. And in between some suitable lunch.
Her house was always clean, dusted, swept, smelling fresh, windows open and pie baking in the oven. Linens hand washed and line dried… every day
Her children listened to her and she listened to them.
She didn’t feel overwhelmed. (Not the way I do sometimes)… because life may have been hard, but it was good and she knew that…
She was always thankful, always kind and always working.

Now I know, that this is a super-idealized version of my great grandma. The fact is her children took care of HUGE chores that I couldn’t imagine asking mine to tend to. She did have help… She did get overwhelmed… she was a real person… with real emotions… She was strong and not being all the things up there doesn’t make her less strong… so…
Why do I do it… compare myself to that?  I don’t know. But it sure sets me up to fail.

Somewhere between ME and this Untouchable Woman is the place I want to be. And I think that’s attainable. After all, I love my babies like there is nothing else to in all the world to Love… and that’s the beginning of being that woman.

Happy Mother’s Day, to all of you… Stay at Home Moms, Working Moms, Single Moms, Grandma’s, Great Grandmas, Mothers with Babies and Mothers with grown children. Mother’s who have babies in their bellies… Ours is the greatest gift and the greatest responsibility… to raise the future, to teach them to stand and watch them become everything they dream… Take a moment to reflect… and to be thankful and know that even though life is hard … it is good. 
And that you are a great Momma.


barbara on May 5, 2010 at 5:20 PM said...

i know all to well how you're feeling... happy mother's day Johnna!

Amber Rosie on May 5, 2010 at 5:33 PM said...

Lovely post, Johnna! Happy Mother's Day to you! And for the record- I am not a mom beyond Tank but I totally am guilty of shaving only from the knees down.... :)

Maegan Beishline on May 6, 2010 at 6:05 AM said...

So much of what you've said here resonates very deeply with me! You are a wonderful mama...and, you know, I don't think we'll ever feel like we're doing good enough...and that's why we're good mamas...because we care! Love you, Johnna! Happy Mother's Day!!! xoxo

Maliza said...

I am guilty of all those things too and I think it is ok every once and a while to let things go and take a personal moment or we will all go crazy

Rebecca on May 6, 2010 at 5:46 PM said...

Happy Mother's day!
PS:I'm not one but hopefully I will be some day!
best blessings to all great mothers out there!
love your blog!

Mary Beth on May 6, 2010 at 6:38 PM said...

I am guilty of all of the above :) No, I do not think it will scar them. And I don;t think I shaved my thighs in years!!
And as bad as this sounds, as long as I don;t catch myself acting like my mom, I know I am doing an ok job...
happy mommy day to you :)

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